Slump

I have had not a stitch of December. Three posts, maybe, in this month, all because of the choking effect a Utah winter has on me. The cold and the snow wrap around a person and squeeze until you can't feel your toes, and you're sitting there on the bus like Uma Thurman in the Pussywagon.

Jonney and I went to a birthday party yesterday and had more fun than was expected. I had this video that I made in Editing class, a faux movie trailer for The Crucible, making it seem like an action/suspense thriller. When Felicia asked for short film submissions to be shown, I gave her the trailer, and we all watched it on a very very very big screen, half drunk on dancing and adrenaline. I laughed. I clapped. I almost fell into a coma on the car ride back home.

Christmas presents have been nothing but work and more work. I've made cookie and brownie bags for my friends, worked on paintings for family, and procrastinated by saying I'm out of things. I honestly don't know how adults go about living. I have no job and I still can't begin to get shit together. I've been depressed more frequently lately, but it's environmental, not a condition. It's taken me a long time to get to that from two, three years ago, when I absolutely was convinced I had something wrong with me, not some things wrong with my life. I still haven't gotten to a place where I can lift myself out. It's like I'm stuck in a snowbank, and the only thing I can do is wait for it to melt.

So, I'm in this spot of creative failure. Instead of waiting, I'm trying to just keep digging out.