So far, it's going good. The bad things, and by that I mean people, I'm not going to write about, because I'm not a dick. I was talking to Emily about her schism with the Fixie Kids. I mean, I wanted to know what I should do about this whole stupid sweater thing. Which, by the way, I don't even give a shit about anymore. Take your stupid sweater. But so I was talking to Emily, asking her what advice she would give when it came to matters like that, and her advice was simple. Don't write about it. She said her opinions of the people hadn't changed after the fact. Really, it just caused more drama than the issue was worth. So that's why I'm not going to write about the sweater. This isn't a game. You can't win, you can't lose. I'm not going to give you the post you want.
Look, I know I'm not a blogging icon. I know that probably only a handful of people read this blog. But that's not even the point of this blog. I do consider how I'd sound to other people, but I write to better understand (and remember, actually) things that have happened or ways that I've felt. After starting this blog, I was less depressed. Because of this blog, I write more frequently than I would have without it. I also write better essays.
So those comments from a very mean-spirited person stung, but not because I think they're right. I think that this person looks for a conflict. It's upsetting that I'm the one being targeted over and over. I'm not a cold-hearted person, I just cannot continue to let things like this bother me. Everything is bullshit, really. It's just high school. It's not the end of the world. It's not even the end of the summer.
I'm going to try harder this year, at being a better rounded person, at academics, and at being nice. I feel like I spent a lot of last year talking shit or stealing boyfriends, which is retarded. Seriously. I have made the phrase "Everything Is Bullshit" my mantra of the year. I think that's what'll really help me make it through.
2 comments:
to be PERFECTLY HONEST i just wanted the fucking sweater. My mom brought the sweater up and I said i'd see what I could do.
I really have no reason at this point in time to try and play head games with you. I'm not Jigsaw.
You probably know me to be the kind of person who is mean for no reason; That's fair enough. That was probably an accurate description at one point in time.
I think you'll find that's an accurate description for a LOT of young teenagers.
To some extent i've grown up.
I'm not "picking on you".
I'm not out to get you.
The only reason i was being such a jerk is because you decided that you would take advantage of my being hospitable and not return it to me after you promised that you would.
I asked nicely once,
and you ignored me completely. That made me even more angry, so my mom and I spewed about 28 unintelligible comments containing the word "sweater" at you over porkchops.
You're right.
I was being a jerk. I was not even just kind of a little bit of a jerk. I was taking things much further than they needed to go.
I owe you at least that apology.
Oh, and I didn't realize that you were at your grandmother's house and you couldn't meet my demands even if you had actually wanted to.
I'm positive beyond doubt that you don't like me, nor do you have any reason to. You aren't exactly my favorite person either, but I guess that's no excuse for me to not be civil; And over what? A sweater. Jesus.
I have no reason to be in contact with you after this episode.
I don't really have a huge burning grudge against you that inspires me to dream up ways I can make you miserable over the internet- No, that's not my goal.
I just want the sweater.
That's all.
After I get it, you... really don't have to hear from me. I know the very idea just brings a little tear to your eye, but that is the way it must be.
(I couldn't make good on my threat today;
I was busy. Maybe Friday.)
writing about not writing about
is writing about it.
just... just saying.
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