Oddball

I'm really, really shy when it comes to boys I feel the strongest about. I spend a long time being a bumbling, sarcastic fool, one who says things like "indeed, good sir, dost thou wishest to reach second base this night?" I think that's the reason why a lot of people at school said that Juno reminded them of me. When I'm nervous, I resort to this tone of voice that brings out the hipster slang from behind my normal words. Though, ironically, my favorite words are "juxtapose," "mayhem," "imbibe," "senor," and "consistency," all words that most people would replace with "smashed together with," "crazy shit," "drink," "dude," and "sameness."

So, because I'm shy, I guess I usually let it fall upon the shoulders of somebody else to do my dirty work. I'm not the kind of girl who likes to make calls, because I never have much to say. But this is a bad thing. I'm the kind of girl who texts instead of talks, and makes brownies filled with love, and writes notes to say, "if you were being eaten by zombies, I would shoot you immediately so you wouldn't feel the pain of being a heartless zombie."

This quirky way of romance is ineffectual because I'm working against the odds. There's a boy I am falling into the abyss of deep-seated love with like, but he's got a girlfriend, and I sincerely have no idea what our relationship really is. So I'm kind of stuck in this limbo zone of having something smart up my sleeve, but being afraid to do anything about it because I don't want to get hurt.

What do I want?

I want a boy to rock out with when Livin' On A Prayer comes on. A boy who'll visit me at work and pinch my freckled cheeks when we've been out in the sun long enough for them to turn pink. A boy who won't mind me leaving up the armrest at the movie, so we can hold hands. A boy who'll be okay with my qualms about pooping.

I want a boy who will go to stupid superhero movies with me, let me drink a Diet Coke and only call me crazy once, take me to an indie show and hold my hand even though it's sweaty. And one who'll love my hair color no matter what it is, who'll laugh when I sneeze, who'll listen to the Doors all night, and who'll send me a text on his best friend's phone when he can't do it, just to say that if I were being eaten by zombies, he'd shoot me before I became one of them.

I want a boy who won't call every night, and won't put down the toilet seat, and will wear a shirt until it literally has soaked up the week's smell, and will tell me when my hair looks like somebody shot off a load into it because of the glue-based product I use. I want a boy who will take me to Wendy's on a date because I said that's what I wanted. A boy who'll make mistakes and know it, and ask me to forgive him.

But most of all, I want a boy who'll love me for all my peculiarities and make note of it when I use the word "saucy" to describe the look he's giving me.

Maybe I'm a real oddball for thinking that way.