A God Damn Robot Who Can't Talk

Emily and I are talking about how Wall-E, the newest Pixar movie, is something neither of us are really interested in. "Wall-E looks heinously boring." she says. "Dude, fuckin'... fuckin'... fuckin' Ryan Ross could ask me to go see Wall-E with him right now, right now! and I would say no." I say.

Why?

Because a good half of the movie, the first half, doesn't have any dialogue. Only sound blips. When I first saw the preview for Wall-E, I thought in all seriousness that the movie was a full length film of an animated robot putting bras over his eyes, and shaking boxes, and gazing up into the night sky. I didn't want to sit through 177 minutes of that and the sound effect "waaaaaawwwweeeeee!" Which, I guess isn't entirely true, there's some sort of storyline. But honestly, Pixar? Honestly? A robot?

A god damn robot, who can't talk, besides "waaaaawwweeeee!" and "eeeeeeeyyeeve!" I'm sorry, but I'm not going to pay to go sit in that theater with your god damn robot and the entire city of Sandy's children, who will inevitably echo each "waaaaawwwweeeee!" in unison.

Pixar, I've grown out of the stage where I echo sound blips. I'm not going to go into a theater and shout the Wilhelm scream whenever I hear it. Good sirs, I am more advanced than that. Bring me a superhero movie with a cocky alcoholic star and he had better have some kind of stubble, dammit, he had better have some kind of stubble or moustache. I have grown past the period where I look doe-eyed at my parents and repeat the last joke seconds after it's told.

Who else is super, super stoked for Hancock?