My Christmas Eve Observations

1. I love when the air outside goes white.

2. I love the way boys take off their shirts, arms over the shoulders and pull.

3. I love the look on your face when you rip the wrapper of a condom with your teeth.

4. I love that our Christmas tree is a ficus.

5. I love the way the dog smells, like a real dog and not that sickening dog shampoo.

6. I love Deborah Harry's voice.

7. I love that you always let me say HI OMG I LOVE YOU first.

8. I love that you let me fall asleep on your face.

9. I love the way you say, "Douche-Fag!" like a Wisconsiner.

10. I love that you keep her around because you know you love me more.

11. I love your Wall of Goth Rock.

12. I love that the craft store near my house, at 4:30 on Christmas Eve, was open.

13. I love that the snow is moving sideways.

14. I love the jingling sound of your collar.

15. I love that you are so broken up about the fact that your skin is peeling off.

16. I love that you play along when I pretend not to know what you got me for Christmas.

17. I love that I have no idea what you got me for Christmas.

18. I love your retarded midget cat.

19. I love how falsely upset you were when you kept missing frets on Guitar Hero.

20. I love that you know, by heart, the guitar parts to Through the Fire and Flames, by Dragonforce.

21. I love that I felt it necessary to specify "By Dragonforce."

22. I love the way you look when your head is in my lap.

23. I love my conservative Christian family.

24. I love my grandfather.

25. I love that you think I get tired at 1:30 in the morning.

26. I hate that your child is blonde.

27. I hate you for introducing me to I Am Ghost.

28. I hate that you consider yourself more important than me simply because you are buying your snotty son a copy of Guitar Hero III, and you have bought him a Gibson SG in Arctic White, and you pretend not to know that he will never play it as well as he thinks.

29. I hate that I have no money to buy the Gibson SG in Arctic White.

30. I hate that I am a better guitar player than I like to think.

31. I hate Kurt Cobain and find him an impostor when it comes to lyricism.

32. I hate that I have a sore throat.

33. I hate that I'm paranoid about becoming pregnant.

34. I hate Stephanie Kent.

35. I hate the smell of cinnamon candles.

36. I hate sugar cookies.