Peduncle, The Small Benign Armpit Tumor

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I have this thing in my armpit that happens to be a skin tag. Why am I embarrassed to admit it? Because skin tags are for fat people. Or at least, so I thought. 

My first encounter with the fibroepithelial polyp was on Viva La Bam. Bam Margera's uncle, Don Vito, was shown sporting like fifteen of them under his armpit, all like testimonial flags to just how disgusting of a man Don Vito is. I had my little skin tag at this time, but I didn't think they were the same thing. After all, Vito's skin tags were... really, really, big. And mine is small. It's barely there at all, but it so totally is there, in case you thought maybe it had a chance to go away. No, no, no. It's still there. Just chilling.

The thing about skin tags is that they're tumors. Tumors that, though benign, still have nerves in them. I found that out the hard way when I was shaving my armpits and nicked Peduncle's surface. Ow. So because they have these nerves in them, you can't just cut them off yourself. You actually have to go into the doctor's, show them your little disgusting tumor, have them locally anesthetize it, and then they freeze it off, like a wart. (which, as an aside, are also tumors.) So if I want to get Peduncle taken the fuck off of me, I need to like, tell my parents that I want that to happen.

To be honest, I feel kind of weird saying to my parents, "Can we go to the doctor's so I can have this tumor frozen off of me?"

So I've named him, and he's probably going to stick around for a while longer. If you ever see me in public, being miraculously someone whom I don't know personally, please don't ask to see Peduncle. Because I will totally just whip up my sleeve and stick my armpit close to your face. I can't guarantee it won't be smelly.