My Suffocation

I feel very much like I'm suffocating. I know it makes me a horrible person, but I just don't want to be being anybody right now. I wish I could take a break. A break from everything, school and writing and art, I just want to stop everything. I want to take a nap and not wake up until I'm eighteen years old, exactly for the cliche purpose that everyone has, to get out and start actually living. I have things I should be doing currently. And I don't want to wait for those things to begin.

I miss the days when I could just enjoy my life. I remember when I was like, eight or nine, and everything was just fun all the time. I don't know exactly when I started getting depressed. But it was probably when puberty hit, since that's when everyone starts, and all I know is that people constantly marked it off as being the "average teenager behavior." I hate that. So much. I feel like I have a condition and everyone else on this Earth is trivializing it. (no emo) I just feel so heavy. My entire body and my brain and everything. The weather outside is bright. But all I feel is bleak.