My Happy Chanukah

Oh, my, sweet cherry pie. I have found Heaven in the form of sticky molasses rolls made by my father. I have signed the stomach and seen the breasts of Lisa D'Amato. I have bought a green accordion from the Black Chandelier, which was signed personally for me by Miss D'Amato and Jared Gold himself. I have found a swag bag of my very own. I have walked on a real runway, only minutes after the size-8 feet of six-foot models have walked the very same path. I have been backstage at a fashion show. Because of Dobbl's Aunt Deborah, Dobbl and I had VIP passes to the Black Chandelier Caspian show, sold out before the second week of ticket sales. We were stoked for many reasons. For one, we have spoken to Jared Gold. [read: My Black Chandelier] For another, the Scenester Army After My Sorry Ass would be attending, in non-VIP seats. Jealousy much?

We arrived at the Grand Hall at about eight o' clock, the show set to start at nine, and were led by Dobbl's Aunt Deborah's Inside Connection to the backstage area. Everywhere we looked were five-foot long legs and clouds of billowing hairspray and bustle. Nothing stood still for more than one minute, with the exception of Dobbl and I, standing in the corner, snapping pictures of the blurs walking past us. I'd never felt so short or fat in my entire life. Most of the models were completely nice and courteous to us, letting us hold up our Canons to capture their awkward smiles, once we'd explained to them that we were supposed to be there, honest! I say "most" because of Audrey Kitching, a MySpace and Buzznet sensation whom I refuse to link to in this post. She and the other MySpace Scenemakers [Raquel Reed and Clint Catalyst] seemed to find themselves in higher regard than any other model or, God forbid, groundlings such as we.

And then, we met Lisa D'Amato. Let me tell you that she is one of the kindest famous people I have ever met. She posed for our Canons, she talked to us about our fashion, she told us secrets about America's Next Top Model. Lisa D'Amato was a sign of life among the nearly-dead models around her. Though they smiled and laughed, Lisa beat them at their own game. She SMILED and LAUGHED, with all-caps and an exclamation point. She gave us advice on individuality, signing "Do Whatever You Want!!" on my accordion. Damn, girl. You make me believe it.