My Tuna Sandwich

Dear Kyler,
I don't expect for you to read this. I don't expect you'll even want to hear much more about it, since it's seemingly the only thing I can bring up to you anymore. It's alright if you don't read this letter, but please, at least promise me that you'll remember I tried to explain to you how I was really feeling. If I could, I would tell this to you in person. We could sit down at a park and get to the bottom of this. But we both know how shy we are, and how old we are, and hoping for that to pan out well is like hoping for any movie by Michael Bay to have excellent character development.

I want to know why, mostly. I think you've gotten that by now. I'm just confused by this whole situation, here I thought our faux-relationship was going pretty well, and then you break the news to me that it was going nowhere? Is this because of what we did together, or how soon we did it together? Maybe you don't even really know the reason why. I want to know. If I don't have a reason to believe in, if I have nothing to baseline off of, I'm going to assume the worst. Perhaps you didn't see us lasting very long because I have weird toes. Is this because of my small boobs? Is it because my hair feels like forest twigs? Am I not good enough for you?

I understand that she and you have history. She was your first girlfriend, and therefore, will always have a sentimental value for you that I don't think anyone can ever replace, in all humanity's case. I am a bit confused, though. You told me that she was manipulative. Was that true, or were you just trying to convince yourself that it was? If she is as you implied, do her pro's really outweigh her cons? I'm asking you these questions not to toy with you, but to try and clear your head. I know you trust me. I wish I could give you straight advice. You have to understand, though, that I can't help you without having a bias. I can't be the judge in a trial of my friends and my enemies.

It's too bad that we didn't have more time. I would have liked that, if you and I had had enough time to have a real relationship. That's why this is so difficult for me, it sort of feels like I've had a rug pulled out from under my feet. I don't know how you're feeling. But I hope it's well-cushioned. And it sucks that this was cut short. I still feel certain ways about you, certain ways that will only stop if I find a good gin joint, a perpetual cold shower, or someone bigger and better. I don't want to sound creepy, but you're pretty hard to replace. I can see how She would want you back. And honestly, I do hope that the two of you are happy together, because you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry this break-up, if that's not too grand of a title for it, had to be this hard. I'm sorry I can't just let it go. Most of all, I'm sorry that this is going to end up in my writing. To be read aloud, at your workplace. With you in the same room. Listening.

If you've gotten this far into the letter, I'm both glad and mortified. Sealing this equals sealing the warrant for my social suicide, and probable fall-out from your friends list forever, but this kind of thing is just my taste.

With all due respect and remembrances,
Corporal Andi of the Tyrannicts

P.S.: If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey, I'm still free. Take a chance on me.