My Over-Sexed Affluence

Lately, I have gone through swift changes of prudishness to prostitution. At one minute, I'll put on three coats and six pairs of underwear, just in case of the Mind Fuckler, and then the next, I'll be stripped naked and writhing on the floor. I've blamed The Ass for all of this. He turned me into a whore with a conscience. And since he broke it off with me, I can't turn to him for that activity I now so crave. It's not that he's the only good boy in Sandy. It's that he's the only Sandy boy I wanted.

I'm wondering what will make moods like this stop. Moods where I'm unstable and anti-social, angry for no reason, nervous, egotistical, manial, plain. I'm hardly ever confident anymore, except in the most wrong of times. Your parents just died? Well I have nice hair. Sometimes, I think it'd be best to get myself on stabilizers and become one of those people that takes their pills, and throws away their personality. Would it be better to be gray than ultraviolent?

Admittedly, I haven't felt as depressed as often as I used to. The summer was a complete roller coaster. Hold on tight to your hats and cameras, because we never know when you'll hit a low. For a while now, I've been content most of the time, but when I do get depressed, it's all the more devastating. I feel like shit. I want to do things that I'll ultimately regret, illegal things, scorned things. When I'm depressed, I want to make the world pay. And that's not something I should want. I've been writing everything out before it festers inside me. My pencil's landed on the paper too many times to count when, in the past, it would have been landing inside my skin.

I have, officially, three more school days at Strest. I have to collect all my things, bring all my textbooks back, and say goodbyes to people who I haven't known long enough to be feeling this sad about. The people here were amazing. Like Canyon said, I have a ton of friends here. I could leave the pre-IB. But that's not the thing. I wish I could take these people with me, to Beast of Hollowed Food, so we could all be a happy family, and I could get good grades.

I hope that Beast of Hollowed Food will be everything I expect it to be. I got my grades up at difficult costs, from F's to A's and B's, but most with a significant little dash in front of them. I have one D minus, and I blame the teacher. We have about three homework "packets" and three tests in one quarter. All of your homework is assembled in the packet, and only counts if it has a stamp. Homework can only be stamped on the day it is due, no matter what the circumstance. You have six assignments in one quarter, and if you do badly on a test, combined with a bad packet grade, you fail the class. I blame the teacher.