My... Uh... Friend?

Currently, I am in a state of limbo between loving or not loving Kyler. Imagine I'm standing on a line in the sand. At one end is the Boyfriend, the perfect high-school love story. And on the other, is "that was fun while it lasted" and awkward gazes across the Cafe floor. There seems to be an infinite amount of things I don't know. Should I text him tonight? Should I tell him about this? Should I wear this or that? How do I express a sexy feeling without seeming desperate?

And then, there's What Do I Call Him. He's not my boyfriend, but he's more than just a friend. I wish someone would step in. I wish someone would tell us both the answer. "You two are a couple now." or "You two are just doing this because you feel like you should." If someone would tell us, maybe we could have an indie-movie-moment, touch hands and say "You're right."

I can't separate him now from the him I'd painted in my head. That image, that I almost dreamed of back on the Route 33, of me and him snuggling during movies and driving home from school together, it's almost what we have. But I don't know if I should push it, or if it would last. I keep questioning myself and overthinking things about our relationship. The thing is that sometimes, he and I work really well. I'm usually ecstatic when I'm at Marmalade on Tuesdays. He's cute and he does cute things. I love it when I'm lying with him, half of my attention on the movie, the other half on his hands and his chest and the crook of his neck. I love so much about him, but I don't know that I love him. I don't know how he feels about me.

I know I should only have one question in mind: What Do I Want? I'm not even sure. I want him to love me, I guess. I want him to love me more than I love him, so I won't get hurt by my aspirations. I'd be proud to call him my boyfriend. But I'd be more proud to hear him call me his girlfriend. He told me over MySpace that he "doesn't know how long we would last." Neither do I. He says he likes me a lot. And I know that I like him a lot more than I should, or that I've let myself lead on.

I'm very confused right now. I don't want to have to decide this, but I know that if I don't, I'll let everything out of my control.