My Babyface

I was looking through this photo album we have, and I was looking for something specific, a picture of my monkey costume from my first ever Halloween. My mother made me this costume. Lord knows how I, at six months, ever fit into such a thing because Jesus Crosst. I was fa-at. So I present to you all Andi The Baby, A Collection of Photo Highlights.

"bitch, you can't afford this."
this was halloween 1993, when I was a mere six months old, and my mother home-stitched me a halloween costume to wear to the halloween party at my great-grandma's house. I think it's safe to say that I was more fun than a barrel full of monkeys.
get it?

"yes, yes, all well and good, presents, yes. now bring me glenn danzig!"
dig that smug expression and the devil lock. could I have been a more stylish baby?
I'm not exactly sure, but I think this was either christmas or somebody else's birthday.

"dooooooooooood."
this is just further proof that a: I was constantly stoned* as a babe,
b: I was pretty damn fat for my first two years,
and c: overalls were overall the hot topic item in 1993.
*i wasn't really stoned, child services.

see those two black dots in that white blob? that's no snowman. that's me.
and you wonder why i'm so pasty.
also: see that bronzed asian woman? that's no statue in a temple. that's my mom.
and you wonder why i'm so insecure.

AHA. AHA. I couldn't just let you all go about thinking my mom was a rare beauty, capable of looking nice even days after pregnancy, no! no, no no!
[but lord did she have nice hands]
you'll notice that I was not one of those babies who got food everywhere. I was a good baby.
and i was fat.